A crooked arrow flys straight as long as it finds its own path...

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Femmeboy? Femmish? Wtf?

Hiya Chicks!

Here comes another post about being Femme! I've been thinking a lot about what makes me Femme, and what defines me as Femme as opposed to straight girls who are feminine. 

Is Femme a state of being, or a state of mind?
What exactly makes me Femme? Why do I identify as Femme? 

To me, I think liking women is what seperates me as a femme as opposed to a feminine  straight woman.

Maybe I'm wrong. I have no idea. :p

Why does it even matter what my label is? Why are people so obsessed with figuring out what category they belong in?

Is it because some people the LGBT community aren't sure who they are in the beginning? When they finally figure it out they're happy to know where they fit?


Is anyone ever just one thing though? 

Most of the time I feel like I am femme. I love my heels and pretty dresses, I always straighten my hair and wear makeup. I don't wear any eye-shadow or lipstick or anything fancy, does that still make me Femme?

I tend to wear a lot of ripped jeans and rocker tees though too. I usually go back and forth between tomboyish and femmeish. So what does that make me?  A tomboy Femme? 

Urgg. There's too many labels, and classifications, and sub-classifications!

It's enough to make me crazy! I guess it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but I guess in a way it does matter to me. 

As I try to figure out myself and my sexuality,  I can see how having a label to identify yourself can help. I read somewhere online that someone said labels don't have to be labels, they are simply identifiers. 

I like that.

So maybe I should stop looking at it as a label, and see it as a identifier.

Hi, my name is Alice and I am a Bi tomboy femme?....

Hmm, that's a mouthful :p



  1. Humans minds are just built to compartmentalize things. That's how we learn and understand things. The problem is, sexuality is very fluid. Gender is very fluid as well. There are all shades gray and it makes it difficult for our brains to process things. So, we like to put some sort of label on them. But, of course, not everything fits a label. I have no idea what to call myself. I'm certainly not femme, but I'm certainly not butch either. I float somewhere in the middle, maybe leaning ever-so-slightly more towards the femme side, but then again, maybe not. Who the fuck knows? What I do know; however, is I almost feel like dating would be easier for me if I did fit into one of the main categories. It seems to me that since no one really knows how to place me, I'm often over-looked. I'm too femme for the femmes and too butch for the butches... haha. Oh well though. In the end, all that matters is that you just be yourself and the people around who love you for it.

  2. so true! i feel like i am invisible most of the time b/c i am a bi femme. or a bi femmetoy :p (femme tomboy- my fun nickname!) it is hard, and i labels sometimes complicated things, that's for sure...

  3. Bi-tomboy femme? That sounds hawt. :-) I agree with this post. For some reasons, the labels are important. But it's hard to figure out why they are, exactly. Great post!

  4. yeah I don't completely understand the labels thing either. I do and I don't. :p I get it but I also think labels are kind of pointless. HA!

  5. Years ago I labeled myself as femme b/c otherwise I felt completely invisible. Now, it's more of a fun thing to buy fabulous shoes and justify it because I am a high femme and that's just what I have to do! -giggle- But, I don't necessarily need it to define me like I once did (I mean the label, not the shoes. I still need the shoes, just to be clear). :)
    I think I grew more comfortable with myself as just being...me. I am a skirt and heels kind of girl and also a Jeep-driving, shit-kicking boots wearing girl too. I just label that as being cool (I'm cracking myself up today).

    Also that picture of Kate just does it for me. I miss watching her in action.

  6. haha of course we need the shoes! what femme doesn't? :p I like to think of labels as identifiers. I guess I wish there was an 'identifier' for how i feel. I love the heels and dresses too, but I also am a complete tomboy mixed with a femme. I've been thinking on us tomboy femmes, haha, and the name i've come up with is a Femmetoy! Femme-tomboy! not sure if i love it... thoughts?