A crooked arrow flys straight as long as it finds its own path...

Monday, September 19, 2011

Back In The Closet Again...

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Guten Morgen Chicks!
Today is a serious day. It looks like I am headed back into the closet.
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It's not really something I want to do. At all. But it seems like it's going to have to be done out of necessity.

I'm pretty upset about it actually. Don't let the exclamation points fool you.
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I have a family member moving back in with my husband and I.


Someone who is going through a hard time in their life, and needs their family right now. I actually don't even mind the whole moving back in part at all. That doesn't bother me in the least. 


The part that bothers me is where I have to once again hide my sexuality. That bothers me. A lot. My husband says it won't matter, I can tell this person. It won't make a difference at all.


I don't know though. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I think it probably won't make a difference. I'm think I'm just feeling insecure because I don't really want to share this part of me with anyone else yet.


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My husband knows,and two of my family members. And a couple of friends. But other than that, I am not out yet to anyone at my work. Or anywhere else.


So there really isn't a whole lot of places besides my home right now that I can truly just let loose and be me. Being in my home I can finallllly comment on the smokin' hot girl I saw that day to my hubby. Or I can openly drool over an online profile or article with, again a hot girl. :p


Or I could even be talking to my husband about the whole girls thing. We talk about it a lot, trying to figure out how to fit this into our life. Trying to figure out how to go forward in a way that won't hurt either one of us or anyone else.


We have been making a lot of progress. I think. I feel like we were working out a way for me to have my experience in a way that would be ok for us both.


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And now I feel like I've been shut down. I'm not mad. Not at all. Just sad I guess. I feel like I was so close.


Now it's back to the closet.
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For now anyways. At least until I get the courage maybe to be brave and come out to another person. 


LE SIGH...


What would you do Chicks??


~ALICE
















2 comments:

  1. I really dislike coming out to people. I understand how much harder it must be for you b/c you have SO much more explaining to do being that you're married. But you don't have much of a choice here. In the long run this will be healthier for you. It sucks but just get it over with. Especially since your husband is ok with you telling this family member - all the more reason.

    Also, congratulations on your starting your blog - you are now in my reader. :)

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  2. thanks for the comment! I know I need to just let it out and tell this family member. I know they will be cool with it, it's just kind of scary in a way, b/c it's the first step to really acknowledging who I am. which is always scary! It will be better for me in the long run, you're right! plus, in a way, it'll hold me accountable to being true to myself, not letting anyone talk me back into the closet.

    ReplyDelete