Life has just been crazy. In a good, but also weird way.
My brother in law moved back in with my husband and I. It's a good thing, don't worry chicks.
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Life definitely is starting to feel good again these days.Less confused, more serene. Which for me is a beautiful thing. My family is back together, my husband isn't worrying about his brother anymore.
Other than a few adjustments with us all living together again, a couple of fights, things are good. Which feels rare. Especially with all the confusion I've been having about my sexuality.
I hate conflict in my personal life. I can't seem to really face it ever. When it happens, I just shut down, stop thinking, feeling, and barely breathing most of the time.
It drives my husband crazy. I become this cold, robot who just stops functioning at the first sign of a fight. It's self protection, I can't stop it, or help it. Years of abuse from my mother made me retreat inside myself. That was the only safe place I had, physically, and emotionally.
I am working on it, and I am lucky to have someone who loves me enough to break through the shell I become and pull me out before I fall too deep into that hole.
I think I'm starting to finally feel like myself these days. All the craziness with BIL (brother in law!) moving in kind of kept me from obsessing about my sexuality, and stressing about how to make it fit in my life. For now anyways. ;p
I am def. feeling calmer about the whole thing these days. It's a part of me, but I guess I am realizing that I don't really need to stress about it so much.
I think I am feeling more relaxed about it since I feel more like myself these days. I'm not really limiting or editing anything I say in front of BIL. Maybe I should, but it's my house too!
I edit and hide myself all day at work, if I wanna say a girl is hot in my house, dammit I will! :p
So, for now, things are calm. The husband and I are getting along, work is crazy, big surprise, and I started my Alice tattoo sleeve!! All in all, not bad :)
~ALICE
I'm really glad you're feeling less stressed. There will be those hard moments no matter what but telling yourself "they will pass, it won't always be like this" really can help. xoxo
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Glad you are feeling better. :-)
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