A crooked arrow flys straight as long as it finds its own path...

Sunday, October 9, 2011

These Urges of Mine...

What it be Chickadees?
So I'm having a problem with urges lately. A BIG problem. I feel like I'm gonna explode if I can't have some sort of sexual encounter with a woman. 

Which brings up a few problems. Oh, Let me count the many ways this is creating problems for me...

Well, I just so happen to be married to a man for one. He's still adjusting to the idea of me having sex with a woman. He says he's o.k. with it as long as it doesn't affect our relationship.

I know, I know. There's so many hidden messages, and potentially fucked up situation that could arise from that situation.

But I can't seem to get it out of my head lately. Or my genitals :p 

It's like it's the forbidden fruit. Someone's holding it out to me and telling me not to do it. 

I don't want to hurt my husband, or ruin my marriage. 

I don't know what to do....

Suddenly, I can relate to all the young teenagers who hit puberty. I feel like my hormones are out of control lately. 

I have read a lot about how when people who thought their sexuality was one thing their whole life. Then when it changes, their hormones rage out of control.

I guess it's because you suddenly discover something sexually about yourself you never knew?

What do you think chicks?


  1. Eek! Well if your husband is okay with it...I would say go ahead and do it. Just don't do it with someone you have feelings for or could potentially have feelings for. You are sooo young, you need to be able to explore this side of yourself.

  2. it's soo complicated! he says he's ok with it, then he seems to go back and forth. then every time i start to get more into the LGBT community, he kinda freaks out a bit. which leads me to believe he's not as ok as he says. but he keeps insisting he doesn't care as long as it doesn't affect our relationship, which i agree with. idk...

  3. Maybe you guys could have a threesome instead? This way he doesn't feel threatened and you get to experience a woman.

  4. well im totally creeped out by threesomes :p and he's not into them either. this whole thing is slightly complicated :P hopefully he will figure out how he feels and we can figure this out together...

  5. I initially thought I was bisexual, I was just so hung up on having sex with a woman. I thought I loved having sex with my husband. Then I slept with a woman and I couldn't go back, there was a world of difference and I realized I am gay, not bisexual. Ever since I've come out, my libido is through the roof. It's definitely a late adolescence of sorts for me.

    My experience began in a similar manner. I came out as by to my hubby, he said he didn't mind if I slept with a woman as long as it didn't change anything, which I assured him it wouldn't. I feel horrible that I promised him it wouldn't change anything, but it was beyond my control once I realized I am actually gay.

    I hope you aren't offended by my comment, seeing as how I don't know you. I'm not trying to scare you or upset you, I am simply relating; that's how I felt in the early days of my journey. So, if you want to ever talk, I'd be more than happy to listen or answer questions.

  6. That should say bi, not by, lol! Tired!

  7. no i'm not offended at all! the more help, advice and support i can get through this crazy roller coaster rise the better!

    It's good to know that i'm not the only one out there who has gone through this!

    honestly, the thing that scares me the most is that once i do have sex with a woman, i'll never go back to men. ans that would break my husband's heart. and mine too b/c i do love him so much. i think that's why he does get freaked out, maybe he sees something in me i can't or am not ready to.

    do you mind if i ask how your first experience with a woman came about? did your hubby want to be involved? or did he leave it up to you? how did you get involved with someone who actually was willing to have sex with a married bisexual woman looking to have her first experience? sorry for all the questions, i realize they're really personal, answer whatever you feel comfortable with! it's just so nice to finally be able to talk to someone who's gone through the same thing!

  8. No, I don't mind at all, ask away!
    My first experience was with my recently passed girlfriend. I met her, we had kind of a connection, then I dropped my situation on her. She was a little put off for a short amount of time, but she liked me enough to try to work around it; I got REALLY lucky with her, lol. We dated and my first experience just came as a natural progression of the feelings that were developing between us. By that time though, I was pretty positive that I was actually gay and having sex with her only cemented what I already knew.
    My husband preferred to be involved, but I wasn't open to that at all. It was either going to be just me and her or it wasn't going to happen at all, threesomes aren't my thing at all. There are women out there, it can be hard to find them though. Maybe just hanging out with local LGBT groups and people will allow you to meet someone that might otherwise not bother, after they get to know you a little better. Other bisexuals are definitely more open to that sort of situation, from my personal experience. They tend to be a bit more open minded than some others in the gay community, lol. At least that is my experience where I live.

  9. thanks so much for sharing! i did join a local LGBT group for women, but when i told my husband, he freaked, & said if i was going to start living that 'lifestly' then what was the point of being together. so out of respect for him, i backed off for now.
    my worst fear is that having sex with a woman will just confirm to me that i could be gay. but the not knowing is worse than the knowing. & if that is the case i don't want to drag out my marriage & hurt my husband any more than i will if it turns out i am gay.
    as for the sex thing, i am the same way. i don't want a threesome, ick. but i also don't want my husband to be involved. i struggle with if that's fair or not for me to ask him. he wants to be involved in the process, not be left out. i feel like sex is a personal thing, & my first time with another woman is gonna be nerve-wracking enough w/o someone on the sidelines watching.
    plus it just skeeves me, the thought of someone watching me have sex. call me a prude or whatever. i've become a lot more open about my sexuality & trying new things, obvs, :p but not that open.

  10. O hormones! Such a pain and a distraction; but I think life would be half as much fun without them.