A crooked arrow flys straight as long as it finds its own path...

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Fighting Productively

Put 'em up Chickadees!

So how do you and you SO fight?

Something I've been talking a lot about in therapy is how my husband and I fight. It's not good. 

In any way.

Whenever conflict comes up between us, I usually just freeze up. I just shut down and can't function. I can't talk, or feel, or even barely breathe.

Not the most productive way to resolve things, but I can't help it.

It just makes my husband madder, is the problem. He wants to yell and scream if need be, fight it out till things are better. And I can't do that.

I kind if just fold into myself and go to that place inside of me where I'm safe and protected and I don't have to feel attacked. LE SIGH...

Usually that just infuriates my husband even more, so he gets madder and says and does mean things to try and break me out of my shell. 

Obviously, that doesn't work, and doesn't do anything but send me deeper down into that hole inside of me to hide.
I've talked to him about this till I'm blue in the face. Saying mean things to me doesn't make me want to respond to him. It just makes things worse and hurts me. 

And one day, all the mean things that were said are gonna be all that's left. 

The love will be gone. All the love in the world doesn't erase hurtful things said in a moment of anger. 
Even if he doesn't mean them. I'm not going to forget them.

I've told him that if he keeps doing that that one day all the love will be gone, and all that's left will be the horrible things he's said....

How do you Chicks fight with your SO?


  1. Hi! Thanks for the blog roll!

    Looking back at arguments with my ex's, I've always been very emotionless and cold hearted. Well, that's the feedback that I got from them anyway. They always took it as me not caring, whereas I really did, I'm just really stubborn! It also takes a lot to get me angry, so I suppose me being 'cool' gave the 'emotionless' label :S

  2. I used to fight very much like your husband, yell & scream, and when I was hurt, hoo boy, I lashed out. Then I grew up a little, learned to control myself. And then I dated someone very much like you in terms of how you deal with conflict. She taught me to take time to cool off. I still get angry, and lord knows I got angry with her. But I would cool off and come back to talk when I had steamed off. Any way you slice it, relationships are fucking hard.

  3. true they def are. sometimes i wish my husband wasn't older, so he wouldn't be so set in his ways about certain things....