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| http://www.ideachampions.com/heart/Bleeding_heart_by_Moonbeam13.jpg Hola Chicks!The husband and I actually had a really good, honest heart to heart the other night. |
For once too, instead of brushing or laughing the subject off, as we are prone to do, we took it seriously. I was able to overcome my crippling terror and talk clearly for once.
I told him that there is a very real part of me that is afraid I might be gay. But that I don't know really, and am not in a place to even think about that.
It's true. I have come a long way to accepting myself and my sexuality. I still have a long way to go though, and I am not in a place to even think about if I could be gay or not.
Plus being married to a man also complicates things too. My husband is a great guy, and I do love him, so deeply it scares me sometimes. I can't imagine my life without him. He is my love, my best friend.
The thing is, I can picture being with a woman. Having sex with one, sleeping with one. Even having a relationship with one if I wasn't married.
But I can't imagine my life without my husband in it. I can fantasize forever about all the things with a woman, but I can't picture my life without him. It just seems inconceivable to me.
I'm not really sure what that means...?
Could it be fear? I wish I knew. Or was brave enough to face that.
He said to me that if it did turn out I was gay, he could see us still being friends. But then he asked me to please not break his heart like that b/c he wouldn't be able to bear it.
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| http://d.peperonity.info/c/d/1E9DB6/444779/ssc3/home/013/fanfan.images/albums/emo_7rtx1nio.jpg |
More confusion....
~ALICE
